30 Day Writing Challenge (Day 11)

Day 11: Your current relationship; if single, discuss that too


I am currently single (and unavailable) and have been for the last 4 years. I was with my ex for 12.5 years, so when we split this was the first time I’d been single in my life. Well, there may have been a brief period in HS when I was single, like a few months, but does that really count???

After my ex and I broke up I made a vow to myself to stay single for a while, I didn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend again. That was a role I played for 12.5 years, I needed to get to know ME. I decided to use that time to get to know myself, and find out what it was I truly wanted. One of the best ways to find out your likes and dislikes is through dating. In addition to that, you come to learn lessons that will ultimately make you better for the next man (or woman). According to my friends, I don’t know how to date. When I like someone I focus on THAT one person, I don’t date, talk to, or see multiple people at once. That just doesn’t jive with my being. So I guess I’m weird like that. Oh well.

Throughout my 4 years in this dating game I’ve had many laughs, good times, a lot of passion, suffered broken hearts, etc, etc. All in all the message is the same across the board from my friends, male friends tell me I’m putting all my eggs in one basket, and I need to learn to see other people at the same time. I had a female friend tell me if I like a guy, I should date three more (at the same time) just to be sure. LOL. That’s a flawed logic to me, but I know plenty of people who follow that rule. In the end, I have to stay true to myself. I choose to focus my attention on one person. Besides my attention isn’t so easy to obtain, and more difficult when it comes to keeping it. In my 4 years of being single, there have been (5) people I’ve either dated or were seeing.


#1 – THE Scorpio (BLESSING): He was the first person I dated after breaking up with my ex. He was NOT a rebound. I never looked at him as such. We inadvertently started dating about two months after I broke up with my ex. I say inadvertently only because when we first went out (a month after my breakup), we went out as friends. There ended up being a mutual attraction, then things progressed, and BAM, we’re dating off and on for a lil over a year! LOL. 

Our situation was tumultuous to say the least, but we had a lot of good times and there were a lot of good takeaways. He was everything I needed at the time, very nurturing – emotionally supportive, made me feel beautiful AND sexy, engaged my mind, talked shyt, very articulate, could spell, and had a very sweet side that not many people got to see. He appealed to both my asshole and sweet side. He was and IS the most passionate man I’ve dealt with to this day. 


#2 – The Aries (LESSON): We were never dating, only seeing each other. The reason he makes it to the significant list is because I could see a future with him (at the time). In my defense he was the first guy I dated after my pseudo-relationship with THE Scorpio. Perhaps he was the rebound. LOL.

Our situation was like a car going 200+ mph, racing around the racetrack, coming up on a curve and forgetting to hit the breaks. LOL. Crash and burn!

Lesson learned, PUMP THEM BREAKS! LOL. Slow up! However, my experience with him became the catalyst to my first Spiritual Awakening and leading me to find out what a Twin Flame is, so it wasn’t a bad experience, just like the others, not meant to be.

the artist

#3 – The Artist (BLESSING): He was the youngest guy I’ve dated, he wins the award for the best planned first date EVER! Allow me to mention, he is also a Scorpio. We dated briefly, but it was the most spiritually enlightening situation I’ve ever encountered. I have yet to meet anyone of any age that is as spiritually enlightened as he is; literally blew my mind! I admired his hustle, his mind, his conversation, his talent. Every time we were together I swear it was like being in an alternate Universe. Things were so surreal, he was an expert at manifesting things into reality. He helped me hone into my manifesting skills. He was one of those “be here at 11am, I got a whole day planned for us” type of men. Sometimes we would do things on the fly, but more times than not he would plan everything; he tried his best to give me the world in a day, because I was always so busy working (I had 2 jobs at this time). He showed me romance, passion, how a man should court a woman, what it feels like to be pampered and taken care of, made me feel gorgeous AND sexy, but the most important thing he did for me was help me tear down my emotional walls. 


#4 – The Jamaican (BLESSING): He was the second youngest guy, and also a Scorpio. We were never dating, only seeing each other. He wins the award for best unplanned first date! Our first date happened the night we met. However, after that date he attempted to give me everything I wanted within his means. He was very passionate, affectionate LIKE NO OTHER, he helped me feel things at a much deeper level. We have a very deep soul connection; I can think back to a time when I was in his arms and literally FEEL the love radiating from his soul. Being with him was like being in a reality that I manifested, it was always as if we were in our own little world. I have yet to have a soul connection as deep with anyone else, or meet anyone as affectionate.


#5 – WC (BLESSON): We were never dating, just seeing each other. Our connection was superficial (depth), but our vibe was dope, I just could never connect with him on a deeper level. With that said, on a superficial level, he is the best connection I’ve had; the best vibe, we just really clicked initially. I was attracted to him physically, but it was his ambition that got me! I have yet to meet a man who’s hustle matches mine, he takes the cake! I was so fascinated by him. LOL. I used to love hearing him speak about his future plans for his business, and all the lil hustles in between. All his hustles are legal in case someone is giving the side eye. *eyes rolling*

I saw the most potential with him, his goals seemed to align with mine. I would look at him and be like, “He is literally the male version of me. He is my mirror.” Usually when people talk about someone being their mirror, they’re talking about one’s soul, but he was the mirror to my physical self. I’ve never met anyone like him. He was the most supportive man I’ve ever met; he showed me what it feels like to have a man fully support my dreams and goals. He is a sharp thinker, highly ambitious, hilariously corny, a shyt talker, intelligent, and can spell. LOL. Also, he is the FIRST and ONLY man to ever have the privilege of meeting my son. I have a rule about males meeting my son, because I don’t want to ever have a parade of men around my son. If anyone ever met/meets him, it’s because I saw something in that man that deemed him worthy enough.

Lesson learned…BOUNDARIES. Set them. COMMUNICATION. Don’t settle for one’s lack thereof.

Where I’m at now…ready to take that next step, but not actively looking for a relationship. The right relationship will come to me. Until then, I focus on building my empire, achieving my goals, and bettering myself every day.

A message for all the single people out there: Just be yourself. Don’t follow societal norms if that’s not what fits your moral code. If you only wanna date one person at a time, do it! If you wanna date sixteen people at a time, just be honest with everyone involved and do it!

Remember all things that aren’t meant to be come to an end for a reason. Though it may hurt at the time of its ending, you must always stay positive and know that it was just preparation for a better partner. I have had the pleasure of dating/seeing some pretty amazing men because that’s the energy I attract, but trust me when I say each one was better than the last. Every time I think, “oooh, this may be the one,” there ends up being a lesson learned, or something gained which makes me stronger for the next situation. I am not the same person that I was when I entered the dating game, and none of my situations end for the same/similar reasons. If you are finding that you are running into the same problems with a different man (woman) that just means there is a lesson that you have yet to learn. The lesson repeats as necessary. We are ALL flawed, but going through situations helps you correct some of those flaws. Take note and heed the lessons.